yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
