do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
