Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He better not be in your backpack
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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