dude i'm inner monologue high
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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