I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
