i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
