she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
