I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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