My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
