The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
