She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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