can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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