I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
