I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
