Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
