So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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