the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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