let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
