I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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