All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
