Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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