i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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