I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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