R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
