you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
