I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
