Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
