you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
