Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
