youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This is the high leading the old right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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