Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
