The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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