I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
