I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
