I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
