but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
