We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
