We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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