Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
