this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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