when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
