she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ladies don't puke and tell
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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