i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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