dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Two words: blizzard sex
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