is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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