i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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