I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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