Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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