HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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