remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
