He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
