Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
