I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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