Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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