Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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