i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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