On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
