I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize