Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
