HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
