oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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