I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
