I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
