I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
