just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
