theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
