No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
