1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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