Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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